Hooray, it's nearly Christmas! Time to dig out those elastic-waisted trousers and dive into excess. Put your salad in the bin and cover your greens in butter. Rejoice in the mountains of mince pies, the pints of Baileys, and the sides of gammon bigger than your own head. Silence that mid-morning tummy rumble with an entire packet of After Eights, and let's wobble all the way to the 25th!
And don't feel guilty about it - you need to keep your energy up. For parents, December is a multi-event assault course. There's the sprint from work to the Nativity play, then the childcare relay race so Daddy can make the office party, followed by hurdling the Post Office queue, climbing the wall of shoppers in Sainsbury's, and the marathon run home to catch that three-minute window for the John Lewis delivery. When it comes to exercise, there's nothing more motivating than thinking about what will happen if you fail to take possession of that Lego Millennium Falcon.
The fact is, there is something truly wonderful about having a whole month to indulge in life's joys - specifically, the joys of food, wine, laughing, and sitting down. Sure, I like swapping fairly useless presents as much as the next person, but for me the real miracle of Christmas is the pleasure you get from sharing piles of guilt-free food with friends and loved ones.
In my house, the whole of December is a delicious mess - like Eton mess, but with twice as much cream. So, as a proud Scummy Mummy, I have decided this season needs a new name: Christmess. The laundry doesn't get done, the floor doesn't get swept, the bathtime routine goes out the window, and bedtime is negotiable. But we are happy, sat on the sofa in a sugar-induced coma, watching the Strictly final, cuddling, and smiling. What could be better than that? Merry Christmess to all the scummy parents of the world.
A new episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast is released every fortnight - listen free via scummymummies.com or iTunes. We're on Facebook and Twitter - @scummymummies. Merry Christmas!