Ellie writes:
The world is full of books promising to reveal
the best way to raise your child, backed up
by the latest research. But parenting is an art,
not a science.
So perhaps the best advice can be gleaned from the greatest work of art of all time - Ghostbusters. Here are the film's life lessons for parents.
The world is full of books promising to reveal
the best way to raise your child, backed up
by the latest research. But parenting is an art,
not a science.
So perhaps the best advice can be gleaned from the greatest work of art of all time - Ghostbusters. Here are the film's life lessons for parents.
1. Many parenting experts say that in moments of frustration or anger, you should breathe, gather yourself and ask what it is your child needs. Sod that. Just shout at the top of your lungs, "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" This provides an instant release of tension, and leaves your children so confused they stop dicking about.
2. In fact, this catchphrase works in many situations. Strong labour contraction? "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" Losing an argument with your partner? "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" Asked to help out with the school fete and can't think of a reason to say no? "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" They'll wonder what's wrong with you, but they'll never ask again.
2. In fact, this catchphrase works in many situations. Strong labour contraction? "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" Losing an argument with your partner? "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" Asked to help out with the school fete and can't think of a reason to say no? "BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" They'll wonder what's wrong with you, but they'll never ask again.
3. No time to tidy the house before your in-laws come round? Blame the mess on paranormal activity. Make this more believable by giving the kids some water pistols filled with egg white and allowing them to cover the house in "ectoplasm."
4. DADS. Is your son struggling with the transition from potty to toilet? Make stand-up wees more fun by joining in and inviting him to "cross the streams."
5. If your child asks if you are a god, you say "Yes."
6. Rebrand yourselves. Forget "Mum" and "Dad", now it's "The Keymaster" and "The Gatekeeper." This will give you an added air of authority and make everyday conversations more dramatically interesting - "No I don't know where your Peppa Pig arm bands are, ask The Keymaster," etc.
7. If you have a second child, do not ask Bobby Brown to write their theme tune.
8. When times get tough, stand shoulder to shoulder with your friends. Together you can face anything, whether it's a 100-foot marshmallow man or a poo in the bath. Who you gonna call? Your friend, because she understands.
4. DADS. Is your son struggling with the transition from potty to toilet? Make stand-up wees more fun by joining in and inviting him to "cross the streams."
5. If your child asks if you are a god, you say "Yes."
6. Rebrand yourselves. Forget "Mum" and "Dad", now it's "The Keymaster" and "The Gatekeeper." This will give you an added air of authority and make everyday conversations more dramatically interesting - "No I don't know where your Peppa Pig arm bands are, ask The Keymaster," etc.
7. If you have a second child, do not ask Bobby Brown to write their theme tune.
8. When times get tough, stand shoulder to shoulder with your friends. Together you can face anything, whether it's a 100-foot marshmallow man or a poo in the bath. Who you gonna call? Your friend, because she understands.
A new episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast is released every fortnight - listen free via scummymummies.com or download via iTunes. We're on Twitter - @scummymummies.
For Rozy.
For Rozy.
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