Ah, Mother's Day. The joy of awakening to breakfast in bed, flowers, a pile of gifts in pastel-coloured wrapping paper, and an array of lovingly homemade cards.
That's the Instagram version, anyway. In reality, the best most of us can hope for is a cup of tea and a box of Ferrero Rocher. And while homemade cards are lovely, those online photos never show the kitchen covered in Pritt Stick and glitter.
So what does Mother's Day mean to you? The Scummy Mummies asked some of their favourite writers, authors and podcast guests to share their thoughts.
That's the Instagram version, anyway. In reality, the best most of us can hope for is a cup of tea and a box of Ferrero Rocher. And while homemade cards are lovely, those online photos never show the kitchen covered in Pritt Stick and glitter.
So what does Mother's Day mean to you? The Scummy Mummies asked some of their favourite writers, authors and podcast guests to share their thoughts.
Bryony Gordon, Telegraph columnist, author of The Wrong Knickers and mother of one
Episode 42: Sex, Drugs and Mr Tumble
"For my first Mother's Day, almost three years ago, I got a mug bearing the legend 'SLUMMY MUMMY' on it. I like to give it to blokes who come round and watch them look embarrassed as they drink their tea. Last year, I think I got a wilted daffodil in the SLUMMY MUMMY mug. This year, who know what mug-related joys I can expect... Perhaps my daughter will 'accidentally' smash it, which would be a gift in itself."
Episode 42: Sex, Drugs and Mr Tumble
"For my first Mother's Day, almost three years ago, I got a mug bearing the legend 'SLUMMY MUMMY' on it. I like to give it to blokes who come round and watch them look embarrassed as they drink their tea. Last year, I think I got a wilted daffodil in the SLUMMY MUMMY mug. This year, who know what mug-related joys I can expect... Perhaps my daughter will 'accidentally' smash it, which would be a gift in itself."
Steve Hill, stay-at-home dad, journalist and father of one
Episode 22: Father's Day Special
"It's just another made-up day, like Christmas and Easter, that involves pissing away money on pointless cards and gifts. Falling on a Sunday, it also involves being dragged away from the sanctuary of Sky Sports in order to "do something nice." What I want to know is: when is there going to be a Father's Day?"
Episode 22: Father's Day Special
"It's just another made-up day, like Christmas and Easter, that involves pissing away money on pointless cards and gifts. Falling on a Sunday, it also involves being dragged away from the sanctuary of Sky Sports in order to "do something nice." What I want to know is: when is there going to be a Father's Day?"
Nurse Jessie, health visitor and lecturer, mother of two
Episode 8: Boobs Special
Episode 19: Discipline Special
"Mother's Day reminds me of the little things that I enjoy about being a mum, daughter, grand-daughter, and to celebrate the link through generations. Also, flowers (but preferably not cutesy teddy bears.)"
Episode 8: Boobs Special
Episode 19: Discipline Special
"Mother's Day reminds me of the little things that I enjoy about being a mum, daughter, grand-daughter, and to celebrate the link through generations. Also, flowers (but preferably not cutesy teddy bears.)"
Dawn Isaac, garden designer, author of 100 Things to do Outside and 100 Things to do on a Rainy Day, and mother of three
Episode 32: Gardening Special
"Mother's Day means eight hours of guilt-free gardening. And guilt-free anything in motherhood is a rare and delicious pleasure. Plus, of course I get breakfast in bed – and a selection of homemade cards. And they HAVE to be homemade. The day I get a shop-bought one I am resigning. On the spot."
Episode 32: Gardening Special
"Mother's Day means eight hours of guilt-free gardening. And guilt-free anything in motherhood is a rare and delicious pleasure. Plus, of course I get breakfast in bed – and a selection of homemade cards. And they HAVE to be homemade. The day I get a shop-bought one I am resigning. On the spot."
Clemmie Hooper, midwife, writer and mother of four
Gas and Air Blog
Episode 14:Pregnancy Special
"I remember, when I was 10, asking my mum why there wasn't a children's day in the year. She declared, "Every day is children's day!" Now I can see how all-consuming being a mother is, often without much recognition. I'm trying to base my mothering on the wonderful Marmee from Little Women - who never loses her temper or misses anything, and protects her daughters while allowing to learn from their own mistakes.
"So next time I'm checking one daughter's bottom for worms, attempting to sound interested in the other one's Vikings project, and trying to remember which twin last fed on which boob - I'll think of that question I asked my mother, realise how unintentionally selfish children are, and that they won't get it till they become mothers themselves. But to be honest, I'm not even sure I get it now."
Gas and Air Blog
Episode 14:Pregnancy Special
"I remember, when I was 10, asking my mum why there wasn't a children's day in the year. She declared, "Every day is children's day!" Now I can see how all-consuming being a mother is, often without much recognition. I'm trying to base my mothering on the wonderful Marmee from Little Women - who never loses her temper or misses anything, and protects her daughters while allowing to learn from their own mistakes.
"So next time I'm checking one daughter's bottom for worms, attempting to sound interested in the other one's Vikings project, and trying to remember which twin last fed on which boob - I'll think of that question I asked my mother, realise how unintentionally selfish children are, and that they won't get it till they become mothers themselves. But to be honest, I'm not even sure I get it now."
Stuart Heritage, Guardian columnist and father of one
Man with a Pram
Episode 35: Fatherhood, X-Factor and Nigella's Toilet
Episode 56: Mr and Mrs Special
"Now that I'm a parent, Mother's Day means that I have to buy a present for my wife, three weeks after Valentine's Day and three weeks before Easter. All I do is buy that bloody woman presents now, and we'll be destitute soon because of it, and I hope she's grateful."
Man with a Pram
Episode 35: Fatherhood, X-Factor and Nigella's Toilet
Episode 56: Mr and Mrs Special
"Now that I'm a parent, Mother's Day means that I have to buy a present for my wife, three weeks after Valentine's Day and three weeks before Easter. All I do is buy that bloody woman presents now, and we'll be destitute soon because of it, and I hope she's grateful."
Carolyn Robertson, author of Two Dads and Two Mums and a Menagerie, and mother of two
Sparkly Poo Blog
Episode 41: LGBT Adoption Special
"As a Mum to two adopted boys, Mother’s day is double-edged. On the one hand I feel proud and happy to be a mum, and on the other I spare a thought for our boys' birth mums, who haven’t had the opportunity to see these lovely little fellas thrive. I also wonder how it makes our boys feel inside. It’s not the most comfortable day for our family."
Sparkly Poo Blog
Episode 41: LGBT Adoption Special
"As a Mum to two adopted boys, Mother’s day is double-edged. On the one hand I feel proud and happy to be a mum, and on the other I spare a thought for our boys' birth mums, who haven’t had the opportunity to see these lovely little fellas thrive. I also wonder how it makes our boys feel inside. It’s not the most comfortable day for our family."
Helen McGinn, wine expert, author of The Knackered Mother's Wine Club and mother of three
Knackered Mother's Wine Clug Blog
Episode 28: Wine Special
Episode 53: Best of the Summer Wine Special
"For me, Mother’s Day means a cup of tea in bed, a few homemade cards, cooking lunch for my mum, and us not having to do the washing up. Also: champagne, always."
Knackered Mother's Wine Clug Blog
Episode 28: Wine Special
Episode 53: Best of the Summer Wine Special
"For me, Mother’s Day means a cup of tea in bed, a few homemade cards, cooking lunch for my mum, and us not having to do the washing up. Also: champagne, always."
Scummy Mummy Helen
"For me, Mother's Day does not bring many surprises. My darling children love to tell me in advance what ALL my presents are, so I know I will be opening a Terry's Chocolate Orange this Sunday, and reading 'I luv you Mummy xxx' on a Sainsbury's card. I don't actually like surprises, but I do like chocolate, so I am thrilled.
"I always like to spend some time on Mother's Day thinking about how I became a mum - that special night when I went to the pub, then came home and shagged a handsome 31 year-old. Now that's a tradition I'd like to recreate every year."
"For me, Mother's Day does not bring many surprises. My darling children love to tell me in advance what ALL my presents are, so I know I will be opening a Terry's Chocolate Orange this Sunday, and reading 'I luv you Mummy xxx' on a Sainsbury's card. I don't actually like surprises, but I do like chocolate, so I am thrilled.
"I always like to spend some time on Mother's Day thinking about how I became a mum - that special night when I went to the pub, then came home and shagged a handsome 31 year-old. Now that's a tradition I'd like to recreate every year."
Scummy Mummy Ellie
"This Mother's Day, I am driving an excitable Australian on a 200 mile round trip to perform jokes about tits and nappies in a cafe in Stroud. Weirdly, I can think of few more enjoyable ways to spend the day."
Come and see us live, this Mother's Day! Sunday 6 March, 4pm at the Black Book Cafe. Get your tickets now!
"This Mother's Day, I am driving an excitable Australian on a 200 mile round trip to perform jokes about tits and nappies in a cafe in Stroud. Weirdly, I can think of few more enjoyable ways to spend the day."
Come and see us live, this Mother's Day! Sunday 6 March, 4pm at the Black Book Cafe. Get your tickets now!
A new episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast is released every fortnight - listen free via scummymummies.com or iTunes. We're on Facebook and Twitter - @scummymummies.
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