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The Battle for Rest: Why Won't My Baby Sleep?

10/4/2015

6 Comments

 
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Ellie writes:

My house is a war zone. The signs are everywhere: half-empty bottles of gripe water, discarded Infacol droppers, dummies scattered on every surface. (I think they might be breeding.)

Swaddling wraps and sleeping bags lie in crumpled heaps, or draped over the wide variety of baby chairs we've tried. Some rock, some swing, some vibrate, some play music; none of them actually get anyone to bloody sleep.

Nor does anything else we've tried. On a good night, Joe only wakes up once an hour. On a bad night, he's unable to stay asleep beyond ten minutes, and I get no rest at all. The other night I was awake with him from midnight until he finally settled at 6am. At 6.04am, my three-year-old bounded in, ready to start his day.

We've asked advice from everyone we can think of. GPs and health visitors. Grandmas and friends. Random women behind us in the queue at Argos, where we've gone to pick up yet another swingy chair that eats batteries so fast it costs more to run than  a racehorse.

After a few weeks, these conversations have started to go the same way:

"Have you tried X?"

"Yes. It didn't work."

"Oh. Well, it's not forever."

I know it's not forever. I've already been through it with my first baby, to a less extreme degree. But it's still hard.

The worst bit isn't being knackered; it's seeing my baby in pain and exhausted, and feeling like a failure because I can't seem to help. There's an extra dynamic here because Joe was born premature, and spent six weeks in hospital. That meant six weeks of watching him go through injections, tests, tube swaps and all the rest, without being able to help. 

And because I had another son at home, I couldn't even be there 24 hours a day to comfort him. There is one positive - often I don't mind being awake with Joe all night, because it just feels like I'm catching up.

But then the day starts, and it's awful. I struggle to find the energy to be the fun, cheerful mummy Charlie wants, or to be patient while he spends eight minutes putting his underpants on. 

My husband has learned to avoid probing me with intolerably infuriating personal questions like, "How are you?" or, "Have you seen the car keys?" And as for asking what's for dinner - he might as well enquire if I fancy a threesome with Katie Hopkins.

I know it's not forever, though, so we plod on, and the search for a magic cure continues. There isn't one, of course - but somehow the research makes me feel less helpless. It's like when Joe was in hospital and I spent hours reading the telephone directory-sized Preemies book from cover to cover, regardless of the fact he didn't have 98 per cent of the conditions described. (But one day, there will be an entire pub quiz round on necrotising enterocolitis, and I will storm it.)

So that's how I spend those long, dark hours - baby on the boob, iPhone in the hand, Googling things like "SERIOUSLY THOUGH DIDN'T EVERYONE GIVE BABIES RUM IN THE SEVENTIES?"

There is one suggestion that keeps cropping up - cranial osteopathy. From what I understand, this is an alternative therapy that involves a specially trained person squeezing your baby's head, and then they sleep like you've given them a pint of Bacardi. The parenting forums are full of people saying it's brilliant. But there are skeptics too, and it's expensive, so it's always been bottom of the list of things to try.

Now, though, we've reached the bottom of the list. The health visitor has run out of suggestions, Argos has run out of swingy chairs, I have run out of patience. So we're going to give cranial osteopathy a go. In the meantime, if anyone has any suggestions...   


6 Comments
Fiona
9/4/2015 07:44:42 pm

my three week old wakes nearly every hour through the night - let alone never staying settled when put down through the day which makes every task implausible (I have peed whilst cradling a screaming baby). We tried infacol and the kitchen sink but no avail, the only time he sleeps more so than ever is when I let him settle on my chest in bed, i fall asleep and we have a nice few hours. I know it's frowned upon and there are risks but he seems to not suffer that gripey pain and mummy gets some much needed shut eye. Cranial osteopathy has got great reviews and we've been recommended it - I'd say go for it!

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Catherine Rose
9/4/2015 09:15:10 pm

My elder nephew did not sleep through night until he was four years old. He was a forceps delivery and my sister eventually discovered (once he could talk) that lying down gave him dreadful headaches. Eventually they went to a cranial osteopath who sorted him out - though he said it would have been better to have seen him as soon as possible after the birth. My sister had my second nephew checked out as soon as he was born, but he was fine anyway, having gooshed out into the world with great ease on his mother's breaking waters. But I would recommend anyone who has a forceps delivery to check out their baby's skull.

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Sarah
9/4/2015 11:26:55 pm

We tried cranial osteopathy as a last resort when our baby was around 6 months old. There was a definite noticeable improvement from about 7 wake ups a night down to 2 and sometimes even just 1!! It was brilliant so we kept going but eventually we got to a point where there was no more she could do and it was expensive. But we had left it quite late - the earlier the better. Unfortunately now at the age of 2 she has slept through the night a total of 4 seperate and completely random occasions and since she turned 2 has gone backwards with sleep and wakes up a minimum of twice a night. I go through periods of being completely obsessed with sleep asking every person I meet in the hope of a magic solution but nothing yet!!! It may not be forever but sometimes it feels like it. Particularly now she is going through terrible 2s!!

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Alli
10/4/2015 03:39:46 am

Hey there! My heart is going out to you as I know how devastating sleep deprivation gets. OK, so you have probably tried this, but just in case you haven't and because it worked for my son, I wanted to suggest it. It's called Colic Calm and it's active ingredient is charcoal. It's completely chemical free and contains only natural ingredients. The way it works is that the charcoal absorbs the air in the tummy and comes out when your baby has a poo (which turns black because of the charcoal, but is completely normal and (try) not to be too alarmed by). Only downside is it's a bit price (20 quid for a smallish bottle, but worth it's weight in gold if it works). Anyway, all the best of luck finding something and with getting through this hellish bit of parenting :) xxxx

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help for headaches link
11/1/2017 10:29:10 pm

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bid4papers review link
31/10/2019 04:00:09 am

I do understand the struggle that you deal with. Being a mom is stressful for so many reasons, and one of these is the fact that you need to let them sleep at night. We all know how hard it is to make babies sleep that's why mommies struggle a lot on this part. But there may be techniques that must be done in order for your life to be easier. It takes knowledge to do it, and experience as well to pull it off. Thank you for everything that you have written above.

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