IT'S OUR BIRTHDAY!

The Scummy Mummies Podcast is exactly one year old today.

When we started the show, we had no idea what we were doing or whether anyone would listen. We still have no idea what we are doing, but the podcast has been downloaded 80,000 times by listeners in more than 90 countries. 

We have been number one on the iTunes Kids & Family chart and even broke into the overall top 30 (number 29). We have been recommended by The Telegraph, mentioned in The Guardian and featured on Radio 4. This Friday we will be performing at Camp Bestival, on the same bill as De La Soul and Mr Tumble.

We would like to say a massive thank you to all our wonderful guests for giving up their time, sharing their wisdom and making us laugh so hard. We love you all, even Steve Hill.

Thank you to everyone who has sent us a Scummy Mummy Confession - we love hearing your stories so please keep them coming! Thanks also for all the nice iTunes reviews and lovely feedback. It's always good to be reminded that it's not just our mums tuning in.

Most of all, thank you to everyone for listening. We know your time is precious and the fact you regularly give 40 minutes of it up to listen to us bang on about hummus is, frankly, amazing.

So thank you, and stay scummy.

Lots of love,

Ellie and Helen X

It's our birthday! And we have a very special guest joining 
us to celebrate.

One year ago, on the first ever episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast, we reviewed Viv Groskop's brilliant
book I Laughed, I Cried. Now we chat to Viv herself, live
from the Latitude festival. 

We talk about what it's like to do a hundred stand-up gigs in a hundred days and find out what Viv's been up to since then. 

There are some great recommendations for summer reading and we answer the age-old question of whether they have badgers in Australia. Plus there is a surprise cameo by another special guest.  

Listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download) or via iTunes. 

Many thanks to the lovely people from the New Statesman who let us record in their backstage area. Sorry the sound quality's not so great - it's festival ambience,  innit.

Viv's book, I Laughed, I Cried: One Woman, One Hundred Days and the Mother of All Challenges is available now from all good bookshops, like the Guardian one.

If you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we'll be at Camp Bestival this Friday 1 August, performing in the Guardian Literary Institute at 2pm. Or you can see us at the Camden Fringe, 
Sat 23 and Sun 24 August at 3pm, Hen and Chickens. Tickets are on sale now via the 
Fringe website.  

Do feel free to follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook and give us an iTunes review. And please send your Scummy Mummy Confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com.

It's been an amazing year. Thank you to all our wonderful special guests, but most of all to everyone who has listened to the podcast. Stay scummy! X 

This episode covers everything from lesbianism to Leerdammer. Our special guest is Kerry Leigh, comedian, poet and cheese impressionist.

She tells us all about her rainbow family and how she got her start in stand-up. Helen gets confused about the correct way to pronounce "labia", and Ellie tries her hand at misogyny.  

Plus we have not one but TWO cheese-themed games. Do feel free to play along at home!

Listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download) 
or subscribe via iTunes. 

Send your own cheese impressions and Scummy Mummy Confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com. 

Or you can find us on Facebook and Twitter. If you like the podcast, please tell your friends!

We're performing LIVE at Camp Bestival on Friday 1 August, and at the Camden Fringe on Sat 23 and Sun 23 August. Tickets are available from the Fringe website. 

PS Kerry would like us to make it clear she was joking about the Jagerbombs. 

Handy links:

Kerry Leigh
Laughing Cows
Women in Comedy Festival
Follow Kerry on Twitter

Thanks for listening! 

Ellie explains why she thinks all festivals are rubbish actually, and Helen looks forward to attending three with her this summer.  We address important topical questions like how relevant Five Star are today and whether happiness really is the truth. Plus, we find out our DJ names and take part in what must be the first ever rap battle to feature the word "taramasalata". It may be the worst thing we have ever done. 

Download via iTunes or click here to listen now. (Right-click and select "Save As" to download)

Thanks for listening! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, come on down to the Caversham Festival near Reading. We'll be performing there on Sunday 13th July. It's FREE!  

Or you can see us at Camp Bestival, along with Amanda. And finally there's our Camden Fringe show - Sat 23 and Sun 24 August at the Hen and Chickens, 3pm. Get your tickets now! 

Amanda's on Twitter (@amandagettrup) and so are we (@scummymummies). Please feel free to Like us on Facebook and if you'd like to leave us a review on iTunes, that would be lovely. Ta!  

WARNING: This episode is for adults only. That's probably true of all of them, to be honest, but definitely don't listen to this while in the vicinity of small children, unless you fancy an afternoon trying to explain what lube is.

We're having a full and frank discussion about sex. Joining us to offer expert advice is fanny physio Sarah Lorentzen, otherwise known as the Derren Brown of Vajayjays. She gives us her top tips for keeping your downstairs in shape and having sex after childbirth. Plus she suggests an alternative use for those food bag clips they sell in Ikea.

The rest of the episode is so filthy it cannot be summarised here. We haven't even bleeped out the swears. Let's just say the range of topics covered includes pilates, pelvic floors and Penelope Keith.  

Download via iTunes or listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download.)

Thank you for listening! And sorry. 

You can find out more about Sarah and her work by visiting maternallyfit.co.uk.

If you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we're appearing at various festivals this summer, including the Camden Fringe on 23 and 24 August. Full details are on ScummyMummies.com.

We'd love your feedback - please tweet us @scummymummies or we're at facebook.com/scummymummiespodcast. And if you feel like leaving us an iTunes review, that would be lovely. Ta!

Stay-at-home dad Steve Hill returns as our "special" guest this episode. With father's day coming up we talk about what it means to be a dad, but of course it's not long before the whole thing descends into nonsense.

Helen and Ellie present Steve with a selection of high quality father's day gifts (total retail value £3.39.) There's some top chat about the price of Lynx, the World Cup and a real-life encounter with Mr. T. Helen explains her sexual preferences using a convoluted metaphor involving picnics and monster trucks, and we round off with Scummy Mummy Confessions.

Keep listening right to the end for an exciting announcement about our stage show!

Now available on iTunes or listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download.)

We'd love to hear from you - do get in touch via Twitter, Facebook, scummymummies.com or email scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com.

The card featured in our blog pic is available from Etsy.

The guests on this episode are the ladies behind fab new kids' lolly range Claudi & Fin. Lucy Woodhouse and Meriel Durand discuss the challenges of starting a business while raising small children. Listen in to find out how they juggle meeting the head of Sainsbury's with picking poo off the stairs.

Ellie pitches her own brilliant business idea, while Helen insists we play another musical game. And one of our most popular items gets a spin-off in the form of the hugely exciting and disgusting Freezer Surprise. The cold never bothered us anyway. 

Listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download.) Also available via iTunes.

Claudi & Fin lollies are made from Greek-style yoghurt and fruit, with added vitamin D. They contain nothing artificial yet they taste very nice. Find out more via ClaudiAndFin.co.uk.

There is still one more chance to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE at the Brighton Fringe! We're performing on bank holiday Monday 26 May at 1pm, at Upstairs at Three and Ten. Tickets are available via the Brighton Fringe website.

Thank you for listening! 

On this episode we're joined by Peter Mattessi, scriptwriter for Neighbours and Eastenders. He tells us what goes on behind the scenes, reveals the storyline they won't let him write and explains how soaps have been forced to adapt to viewers' changing attitudes towards bums.

Peter also chats about his 15 month-old son, Artie, and his experiences of going through IVF. There's a lot of talk about cubicles and specialist magazines, basically.

Helen introduces her brand new game - Awight Guvnor, Put Another Shrimp on the Barbie. Yes, it's just another excuse for her to attempt some funny foreign accents. And we finish up with some spectacular Scummy Mummy Confessions. 

Available via iTunes or listen right now (right-click and 'Save As' to download). 

Thanks for listening! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies live, there are still some tickets left for our Brighton Fringe show. It's at Upstairs at Three and Ten on Sat 10, Sun 11 and Bank Hol Mon 26 May, at 1pm. Tickets are £8.50 / £7 from the Brighton Fringe website.

There's some Serious Chat in this episode, as regular guest Nurse Jessie joins us to talk about the tricky topic of discipline. Does smacking work? Is a bribe better than a threat? Plus: Jessie reveals her top tip for swift potty training. (Spoiler: it's not something they teach at nurse school.)

We have two stupid new games - Revenge is Sweets, where Ellie gets to punish Jessie for perceived childhood misdemeanours, and Madonna or Mandela?, where Ellie gets to punish Jessie for not being good at a quiz. 

To round everything off we have a Scummy Confessions SPECIAL. We read out some of the best (i.e. most revolting) revelations from audience members at our recent London 
stage show. 

Download via iTunes or listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download.)

If you'd like to come and see us at the Brighton Fringe, we're performing at Upstairs at Three and Ten. The show is on Sat 10, Sun 11 and bank holiday Mon 26 May, all at 1pm. Tickets are £8.50 / £7 from the Brighton Fringe website. 

Thanks for listening! 

Nutritionist and dietitian Jo Travers is our guest on this episode. She covers everything from weaning and getting toddlers to eat vegetables to grown-up subjects, such as: how much wine is too much wine? (Spoiler: less than the amount that was consumed during the recording of this podcast.)

We find out why Sainsbury's fish fingers are better than Jamie's, and whether sugar really is going to be the death of us all. Plus we play a brand new game, Did They Really Eat That? (Maybe don't listen to that bit while you're having your tea.) And to round it all off, we have some special food-themed Scummy Mummy Confessions. (As above.)

Now available on iTunes or listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download.)

You can find out more about Jo and her work via her website, The London Nutritionist.

The Scummy Mummies live show is coming to the Brighton Fringe! We'll be performing on Sat 10, Sun 11 and Bank Hol Mon 26 May at 1pm, at Upstairs at the Three and Ten. Tickets are £8.50 / £7 concessions and are available now from the Brighton Fringe website. 

Comedian, mum and Katy Perry impersonator extraordinaire Abigail Burdess is our guest on this episode. She discusses the challenges of balancing parenthood with being hilarious and writing a hit musical.

There's a bit of chat about feminism and that. Then Helen introduces her fabulous new game, Miley or Kylie? (Yes, it involves a recorder.) And we debut our brand new Handbag Surprise spin-off, How Gross is Your Car? (Is your car, how gross is your car, I really need to know, etc.)

To round it all off, we have some fantastic Scummy Mummy Confessions, including a great one from Abigail. You'll never be able to look Smurfette in the face again. 

Download from iTunes or click here (right-click and select "Save As" to download).

Tickets are nearly sold out for our London show on Thursday 27 March, but there are still a few left. We also have tickets for the Wednesday 2 April left. Please visit We Got Tickets for more details.

To find out more about our lovely guest, visit abigailburdess.co.uk. The brilliant baby sketch we mention is on YouTube, and the Katy Perry impression is best enjoyed via Vimeo.

Thanks for listening! 

Novelist Laura Kemp is our guest on this episode, which was recorded on location in lovely Cardiff. She talks discusses her popular books, Mums Like Us and Mums on Strike, and reveals how she balances writing, motherhood and a serious Lego habit.

We all play Helen's new game, Things That Make You Go Urgh. And Ellie explains why she's not sure honesty is always the best policy. Plus there is a special cameo appearance by Ollie the dog. We round off with Scummy Mummy Confessions and announce the winners of our competition.

Download via iTunes or listen now.

Allison Pearson described Laura's first novel as "fantastically funny - debunks the myths of yummy mummydom and is a sanity saver." Her books are now available on Amazon, with the Kindle version of Mums on Strike currently £3.99.

Follow Laura on Twitter - @laurajanekemp - or Facebook.

Please do keep emailing your Scummy Confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com. We're also on Twitter - @scummymummies - and Facebook too.  

And finally, if you want to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, why not come to our stage show? We're performing in London on 27 March and 2 April - tickets available from We Got Tickets. We'll also be at the Brighton Fringe on 10, 11 and 26 May - visit the Fringe website for more details.

Thanks for listening! 

In this episode we talk to John Williams, author of the brilliant blog My Son's Not Rainman. He discusses what it's like to be the parent of a child with autism, plus serious issues like the number of cucumbers you can get for a pound down Lewisham market. 

Ellie and John educate Helen about those classic British cultural touchstones, Going for Gold and Fray Bentos pies. Helen reveals her secret recipe for carbonara (spoiler: stock up on Kraft cheese slices). There's some chat about the joys of living in South East London and we round off, as always, with some Scummy Mummy Confessions.  

Download via iTunes or listen now. (Right-click and select "Save As" to download.)

Do check out John's blog, and you can sponsor him in the London Marathon via his Just Giving page. 

And if you fancy seeing the Scummy Mummies LIVE, tickets are now on sale for our London show on 27 March and 2 April. They're a fiver from We Got Tickets. Cheers! 

This episode's special guest is Clemmie Hooper, midwife, mum and author of the hit blog, Gas and Air. Her recent post on 'The Truth About Maternity Leave' went viral, so we chat about that and get some top tips for birth and beyond. 

Helen and Ellie share some of their own labour experiences - tune in to find out why one of them will never again be able to enjoy the music of Bon Jovi. Plus there's advice for dads and we play our brand new game, A Stitch In Time. Let's just say it involves pink felt. 

As always, we round off with Scummy Mummy Confessions - please keep sending yours in to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com. 

Download now from iTunes or listen now. 

We hope you enjoy the episode! And if you do, why not come and see our live stage show? It's on 27 March and 2 April at the Ivy House, London SE15. Tickets now available via wegottickets.com/scummymummies. 

We're on Twitter - @scummymummies. The lovely Clemmie is @midwifeyhooper. Thanks for listening! 

This episode stars the wonderful Dr Greg Schwager. He talks about being a new dad, a gay dad, a doctor dad and a very tired dad, often all at the same time. 

Helen exploits the occasion of having a fellow Australian on the podcast by making Ellie eat some national delicacies, and Ellie nearly throws up. 

We make Dr Greg play our fun new game, Look At My Bits, and there's some chat about our favourite (and least favourite) parenting books. 

Keep listening for those Scummy Mummy Confessions, an exciting announcement about the return of our Live Show, and some singing. Sorry. 

Episode 13 is now available on iTunes, or click below to listen now. 
(Right-click and select 'Save As' to download.)

Get out the glowsticks and the disco biscuits - all right, the breadsticks and the rich tea biscuits -
it's a RAVE SPECIAL!

Our special guest is Hannah Saunders, founder of Big Fish, Little Fish. She runs family dance parties where parents can party like it's 1992, and kids can experience all the fun of raving.
Well, most of the fun.

We take a trip down Scummory Lane as we reminisce about our dancing days, and Helen 
explains what a "bushdoofer" is. Then it's time to recreate some classic rave tunes in the
Scummy Mummies style - think Guru Josh reimagined for the descant recorder. 

As always we have some Scummy Mummies Confessions to share and wee continues to be a 
popular theme. 

Please have a listen! 

(Right-click and select "Save As" to download)

To learn more about Big Fish, Little Fish and their upcoming parties, visit bigfishlittlefishevents.co.uk. Tickets can be purchased via We Got Tickets.

And you can follow them on Twitter: @BFLFevents

Here's the kind of thing they get up to:

Or follow us on Twitter: @scummymummies

If you enjoy The Scummy Mummies Podcast, please feel free Like us on Facebook. Ta! 

It's the Scummy Mummies New Year Special! Featuring stay-at-home dad Steve Hill as our "special" guest. 

We take a look back at the year's top stories, i.e. we pretend to know anything at all about 
current affairs as an excuse to do horsemeat and Nigella jokes. Ellie tells an amusing anecdote about being pregnant in Greggs, Helen explains why death can be a positive thing and Steve 
watches the darts. 

There's some hot meat-based debate in Ham Review, while in Things of the Year we reveal our 
favourite books, games and days out with the kids. Plus of course there's Scummy Mummy Confessions.

Season's greetings! It's the Scummy Mummies Christmas Special, and we're full of festive
cheer. Not to mention mulled wine and an astonishing amount of ham. 

Our special guest is Charlotte Forfieh, the brains behind the brilliant blog Pram On Rye. 
We get up to all sorts of Christmas nonsense, including mince pie tasting (Lidl vs Waitrose!), 
gift recommendations (nipple tassles!) and carol singing (don't worry, just the one). 

Plus: We have a bumper festive edition of Scummy Mummy Confessions. And Helen lowers the tone of the podcast to depths never before plumbed. Really. 

(Right-click the button above and select "Save As" to download.)

Here are the lyrics to our Christmas carol, so you can sing along:

On the twelfth day of Christmas my children gave to me:

12 filthy nappies
11 fluffy raisins
10 sticky fingers
9 ladies drinking
8 boobs-a-milking
7 hours of telly
6 chicken nuggets
5 stinky poos
4 Jaffa cakes
3 snot rags
2 dirty socks

And a duvet smelling of wee.

Thank you for listening. We would like to wish all Scummy Mummies, Scabby Daddies and 
Grubby Grandparents a very merry Christmas. Cheers!

It's a music special this week! 

Our guest is the lovely Nina Swann, a musical expert and mother of three. She tells us why music is good for children, how to encourage them to enjoy it and what Miley Cyrus  ought to do with that tongue. 

We cover the full musical spectrum, from Bach and Bublé to Ice-T and Go West. We play a brand new game that is in no way ripped off Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Plus: Nina teaches us the Mango Jango Song. It will change your life. 

So please have a listen! Here's the iTunes button:

Or listen now:

(Right-click and select "Save As" to download)

Thank you so much for listening. Our next episode is out on Tuesday 17th December - it's a Christmas Special, so please send us your festive Scummy Mummies Confessions! Also some mince pies as we've already eaten seven boxes and run out. Cheers!  

Breasts, bangers, Barbara Windsor's best friends - whatever you want to call 'em, this episode
is all about 'em. 

Nurse Jessie is our special guest. She doles out interesting, salient advice about everything from breastfeeding to bra fitting, while Helen and Ellie constantly interrupt with stupid jokes. 

We introduce our new favourite game, Hands or T*ts? Plus: find out which one of us has drunk 
one of the other's breast milk. 

And we have a special edition of Scummy Mummy Confessions, featuring scumtastic tales from
the audience at our live stage show.  

Click the button below to listen direct. (Right-click and select "Save As" to download.)

Thank you for listening! 

It's a Grandma-themed special this week! Helen and Ellie talk to their own mums about what it's like to be a grandparent and what they really think about modern parenting. Along the way the conversation covers topics as diverse as nudism, padded coathangers, Dannii Minogue and why children are like dogs. Someone nearly walks out at least twice. 

Handbag Surprise returns and there's an exciting new hummus-related feature. Plus, our 
Grubby Grannies tell all in Scummy Mummy Confessions. Here's the iTunes button:

Or click below to listen now (right-click and select "Save As" to download):

In other news: the Scummy Mummies Stage Show makes its debut at the London Theatre this week! This is basically what it's going to be like: 

Please wish us luck. We need it. You can contact us via Facebook, Twitter or email. And if you like the podcast, we'd love a review on iTunes. Thank you for listening! 

Hello again! Episode 6 of The Scummy Mummies Podcast is here:

Or click here to listen direct:

(Right-click and select "Save As" to download)

With such a heavy emphasis on placentas and paninis in previous episodes, we thought it was
time for some chat about Men's Things. So this episode includes a lengthy discussion of the 
Mumsnet  penis beaker debacle. 

Our special guest is stay-at-home dad Steve Hill, who discusses a wide range of issues from 
childcare to Kraftwerk. We have an exciting new segment, Hummus Review. Plus, the debut of the Comedy Horn and more swear bleeps than have featured in all previous episodes put together. 

Do have a listen! And please keep sending in your Scummy Mummy Confessions, either via email or through our  Facebook page. Thank you!

The Scummy Mummies Podcast is now fortnightly and episode 5 is live! 

Click here to download or subscribe via iTunes:

Or listen now:

(Right-click and select "Save As" to download)

We have a special guest on this week's episode - the lovely Sarah, a women's physiotherapist 
and founder of exercise company Maternally Fit.

Sarah is a leading expert in all things front bottom. She reveals everything you ever wanted to know about vaginas, and some stuff you probably didn't. Plus, join in with Helen and Ellie as 
they attempt to do Kegel exercises without laughing. 

Have no fear, gentlemen listeners - Sarah has advice on the exercises you should be doing, too.
And it's not all flange; this episode also features an apology to CBeebies, the return of What's 
On Our Clothes This Week and of course, Scummy Mummy Confessions. 

Next episode will feature a male guest, just to balance things out a bit. We'll be talking about 
what it's like to be a full-time dad plus other manly things. Maybe we'll do a feature on all
the different kinds of Lynx. 

By the way, if you fancy seeing us blather on in person, there are still a few tickets left for 
the Thursday performance of The Scummy Mummies Show on 7th November. 
Buy yours from We Got Tickets.

This is for you, Sarah:

The latest episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast is now live! 

Click here to download from iTunes: 

Or listen now: 

(Right-click and select "Save As" to download)

Episode 4 features our first ever SPECIAL GUEST! It's the lovely Jessie, a nurse, 
health visitor and mother who knows more about childcare than Helen, Ellie
and Supernanny put together. 

Jessie answers our questions on that hot parenting topic, sleep. Plus we discuss
whether tinier testicles make more devoted dads and the best way to cook placenta. 
(Spoiler: don't.)

Here are a few links to help with your enjoyment:

For our overseas listeners - that John Lewis advert we bang on about
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSLOnR1s74o 

For anyone interested in placenta cookery - be advised, strong visuals
http://www.twilightheadquarters.com/placenta.html

For those who want to lull their children to sleep with YouTube - Helen's magic balls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rKYZ_BGxPM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Thank you so much for listening! 

Hello friends! This episode sees the return of much-loved (two people liked it) feature Handbag Surprise, plus of course Scummy Mummy Confessions. We discuss our adventures in stand-up
comedy, what's in our bins this week and how Helen has inadvertently started a revolution
in the airline industry. 

Please click the button below to download from iTunes:

Or this one here to listen now:

Thanks!